The Sliver of Time Before Sleep
I felt a pang of guilt last night while rushing my boyfriend off the phone. I felt so bad but there is just something he has to understand....it was almost time. The time of day I look forward to the most, the time where I’ve done all my motherly duties, I’ve done all my friend duties, I’ve checked in on everyone, checked all the things off my to do list. It’s finally that time when the day has settled, and it’s time for bed. This is it. The sliver of time before sleep is all I ever get. My “Me Time”. The only free time I have to collect my thoughts, to check in with myself and just breathe. You’d think if this is my only scheduled “Me Time” that I’d get a lot more if it. If “Me Time” is before going to sleep then I get time to myself every night, right? Wrong. After a long day working two jobs, my 9-to-5 and then being Mom the rest of the day, sleep usually wins over. Rarely do I get the time to be by myself.
Such is the plight of a single mother. But who are we to complain? We’ve got bundles of joy to care for and smiling faces looking up at us at any given moment of the day. Unless it’s that time of day when your kid has a full blown meltdown level tantrum, my kid does more of the latter. Let’s face it, we have lots to complain about, but so much more to be thankful for, so we don’t. This isn’t one of those “Woe is me, I’m all alone,” posts. This is a letter to any mom out there who feels the same guilt I felt last night...let it go! We have nothing to feel bad about, and since we cannot sacrifice the time we spend taking care of our kids, we will have to make sacrifices in other areas of our lives in order to remain at peace within ourselves. Our loved ones just have to understand that. It sucks that we would have to sacrifice anything just to be by ourselves. I mean, the definition of being a single mom is that we are doing this alone. But this time alone is so necessary to our health, time to decompress and to clear our minds.
It was so important for God that we rest, that he dedicated an entire day to it. As mothers, we don’t really get the opportunity to take the day off. So, the fifteen minutes I get before dozing off each day, are worth the sacrifice. All I can do is apologize for the time lost and try to fit it in somewhere else through my crazy day. At least my head will be clear for it thanks to my “me time.”
Then Jesus said, "Let's go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile." He said this because there were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles didn't even have time to eat. Mark 6:31 NLT