Spoken For

What does it mean to be Spoken For?

The Cambridge Dictionary says when something is Spoken For it is not available because someone has already bought or asked for it, it is Spoken For when it has been chosen.

There wasn't a specific moment that I realized I belong to God. I just remember having a very strong feeling that God was with me. Even through the crappiest parts of my life:  foster care, abuse, and trauma; I was able to survive these things because of this strong feeling that there was something bigger holding my life.

At first, I didn't really know much about Him. I knew to fear Him and I knew about sin. I knew that the things that were happening around me were not things He would approve of and therefore the things I fell into were not things He would want for me. Through all of the hardship I always remember a time where God got through to me somehow. I learned of Him through the church my foster dad would take me to on Wednesday nights, the Yogi Bear van that would drive through my neighborhood and give out candy while telling us that God loves us, I learned to praise Him from the sermon videos my mom was forced to watch during one of her drug rehab programs. I was even given a bible at a young age, but none of these things really taught me the truth because all around me was so much pain and hurt. In my life I have felt alone, worthless, and ashamed but always with this small feeling that I didn't have to feel that way, I wasn't meant to feel that way.

I finished school early and left home at a young age. I was working full time as a Medical Assistant and was making a lot more money than anyone I knew. It looked as though I was really succeeding at life; but in reality, I was crumbling. I was drinking heavily and disrespecting myself and my body until one day I had a thought. A stray thought that said "this is not you, this isn't what you want." At that point, I still didn't know what I wanted. I closed myself in, stopped talking with my friends, spent time alone, and decided to see what God had to say about me. I had no one to answer to at the time so all of my actions were going unpunished and unjudged. When I thought of who would judge me, I remembered God. So I opened His book to see what He would say.

This is where I learned the truth. I learned that God created me, He knew me before I was born and He knows what I will become. God spoke to me through His word and He told me that He chose me, chose to die for me and my sins, chose to have a relationship with me, and chose me as His own. Time and time again God showed me how He chose me, in His word and in my life.

I knew I was Spoken for when God took me out of my darkness, filled me with His peace and told me that I was His. It has been a long road and I still have a long way to go. I still fall and sometimes I forget and allow myself to feel worthless again. God continues to pull me out, to cleanse me, and carry me through and into deeper relationship with Him.

Being Spoken For means knowing that God has chosen me and allowing myself to live freely and lightly in God's grace.

2 Peter 2:9 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a Holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.