Lazy Jane

I’m 24 and I don’t have my life together and it freaks me out ! I have a kid. I should be more financially responsible and I should be set Career wise. I should be writing more posts on this blog I started and trying to get the word out so more people will read it. I should be motivated to do all the goals in my mind and I should be half way to achieving them because I am almost halfway into my twenties and I hope you can tell that I’m not breathing when I write this because that is how I feel. I’m not breathing. 

I am worrying over what isn’t happening in my life, what I’m not doing, what I should be doing.  

I ball my eyes out in my car after dropping Alice off at daycare today, head back home and numb my mind with screen time for a big chunk of the day. 

I watch an interview of a guy who was an illegal immigrant with only $100 to get into the US in his twenties, struggled heavily, and becomes what he always wanted to be in his thirties. I hear another story of a woman who couldn’t read all the way through high school, and now, She’s nearly forty, has won an award for her role in a movie where she read many lines. Another story of a woman who marries in her twenties, has children, a house, a career, wakes up in her thirties realizes she doesn’t know what makes her happy anymore and deicides, in her forties, to do something about it. Beginning to see a pattern? 

No one has their life together in their twenties, and not for lack of trying. Why are we so hard on ourselves, having mental breakdowns and anxiety attacks because we aren’t getting this life thing right?  

Don’t get me wrong, I think we should still work hard for better futures and work toward  achieving  our goals. It’s important to move and make things happen or else we will be thirty and forty with the same issues we have today, and I believe that’s a bigger problem than the anxiety we deal with. I’m not saying we should wait to become who we are going to be, I’m just saying we should stop telling ourselves that we are Lazy Jane because we aren’t seeing results right away. And when I say we, I mean myself. 

I know I’m not the only one who is this hard on myself, I’m sometimes even mean to myself because of the things I haven’t achieved yet and I just know that’s not what God wants for me.  

Jesus once said “How many of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” 

Although I often forget this, I love it so much. This truth puts my entire life in perspective. No matter what I do in a day, I can not physically add hours to my life. No matter how much I worry over something, the worry will not change the circumstance. Everntually, We will achieve all that We set our mind to if it is meant for us to achieve. 

The only thing we need to focus on is making sure we aren’t waiting and worrying over the rain and instead, getting that drink of water.  

 

Luke 12:27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.